Flowers for a Ghost
by CatchMyBreath
Summary: She glanced out her window again, watching the last of the sun set behind the towering New York skyline. "I know it sounds crazy" Alex sighs, "but I want to believe that he's still out there... watching over me," she smiles at the thought, "like my own personal guardian angel."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For Tara... 'cause I HAVE TO FIX EVERYTHING.**

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 1**

* * *

"Dear, Sean…" Alex scribbles hastily. She took one look at her messy handwriting and instantly drew a thick black line through the paper, unable to write more.

No amount of words could ever express how much she loved him or how much she missed his touch everyday. It had been almost a year now since the war was fought and won. Amanda was no longer a threat, the shop was extinguished and the memorials were in place... all except one. Alex frowned, thinking back... The world was beginning to shine again, but somewhere deep, buried under the rumble of Division laid a token she could never get back: her heart.

"I'm sorry, Sean." Alex whispers quietly to herself. She had given him everything, laid it all out on the line at the last minute, but there were still moments of regret.

From the heavens, a bright light cracked through her curtains, shinning a radiant warmth upon her skin. Alex smiled and glanced out her window, picturing a vision of Sean seated outside on her fire escape. She watched him with a gleaming eye as he motioned for her to join him, ravel at the sky and share this last sunset together.

Despite his appearance, Alex shook her head and gazed at his magnificent form. "This isn't right." Alex tells him, conflicted. She carefully climbed out the window and sat down next to him, trying her best to avoid his gaze. "I can't keep meeting you here..."

_Sean smirked at her, his smug expression always drawing her attention. "If you really believed that, you wouldn't be thinking about me."_

"I'll always be thinking about you." Alex admits. She cracked him a smile and glanced in his direction, wishing he was real. "But this doesn't make it right..." She sighs. "If they knew I was still talking to you, they'd think I was crazy."

_"Who cares?" Sean argues_._ "You never cared what people thought about you anyway." He winks._

"That's true." Alex smirks. She shook her head fondly at the memories and gazed at the sky, embracing all the rays of the sun. "You always knew me so well, didn't you?" Alex smiles.

_"Not always." Sean admits._

Alex frowned, feeling another moment of regret. "It's not fair..." She whispers sadly. She turned to glance at Sean, her eyes squinting in the lowering sunlight. "We were supposed to have more time..."

_"Life isn't fair." Sean replies matter-of-factly._

"Says you." Alex rolls her eyes. She always hated that phrase, even though it was true.

Sean smirked at her, knowing he was right. He was always right, and she was stubborn. She didn't want to accept the facts, or let him go...

After awhile Alex sighed and turned to face Sean again, a serious look in her eyes. "I miss you..." She says sadly.

_"Why?" Sean questions. "I'm not going anywhere."_

She sighed again, not wanting to admit this, but she could no longer hide the truth from him, not after everything they've been through. "Sometimes I can't see you anymore." Alex says, frowning. "And it scares me because I think I'm forgetting about you."

_"That's good." Sean replies. He appreciated her honesty. "Means, you don't need me."_

"But I do." Alex argues. She looked him directly in the eyes, almost pleading with him now. "I need you."

_"No, you don't." Sean retorts. "You've never needed me, or anyone..." He frowns. "But that doesn't mean you should live your life alone." He says glancing toward the street. "And I wouldn't want you to."_

Alex followed his gaze, catching the sight of a silver KIA pulling up to her apartment building. "Come with me." She says hopefully. "You don't have to be alone either."

_"You know I can't." Sean frowns. "But they can..."_

Alex narrowed her eyes at the sound of a car door slamming below her. She briefly looked toward her front door and shook her head defiantly as a giant gust of wind blew in her hair; always having to be the stubborn one.

They were running out of time. Alex knew any minute now a knock would follow but she didn't care, she stopped caring for a lot of things after he died...

"I don't care about them..." Alex tries to argue. "I care about you!" She exclaims, looking back at him but he was gone. "Sean?" Alex looks around confused. Her eyes grew wide, there was no response. "Sean!" Alex screams.

She watched him disappear again with all his good intentions, leaving her with half of his heart, and a hole in hers.

Another strong gust of wind blew against her skin. She shuddered, panicking as she called out his name in agony. "Sean!" Alex cries. She stood up on her fire escape and leaned against the thick railing, calling his name again. "Don't go..." Alex whispers sadly.

She desperately waited for a sign from him, but there was none. All she could hear were the sounds of the bustling city below her, followed by the annoying sound of her name...

"Alex?" Nikita's voice called her. She knocked on the door, patiently waiting for Alex's answer. "Are you ready to go?"

Alex glanced toward her door in frustration, wishing for once Nikita wouldn't be on time. "Ugh." She groans. She glanced back to the spot she had imagined Sean sitting in and frowned at the empty sight. "No." Alex mumbles to herself as another cold gust of wind blew in her hair. She shivered, no longer feeling Sean's warm presence. "Why did you have to go?" Alex cries, she never wanted to leave his side.

After another moment of silence, Nikita called out Alex's name again. She was starting to get worried. "Alex? Are you home? I thought I told you we were coming to pick you up... Alex? Don't make me kick down this door, you know I can." Nikita smirks.

"Dammit, Nikita. HOLD ON!" Alex shouts through her window. "I'm coming!"

"Okay, gezz you don't need to yell at me." Nikita retorts.

Alex sighed and carefully climbed through her window, she made her way toward the front door and greeted her friend, "I know, I'm sorry..."

Nikita frowned at her friend, not liking her attitude. "What happened to you?" She asks. "You look like you were in a tornado."

"I was just outside..." Alex replies as Nikita attempts to fix her tousled hair. "So I didn't hear you the first time."

"On the fire escape?" Nikita asks. Alex shrugged and walked away from her friend, heading toward her bedroom to grab a coat. "Alex..." Nikita frowns. She followed her friend into the room and stopped to block her path. "It's been too long."

"What are you talking about?" Alex plays dumb. "I just wanted to get some fresh air."

"Alex, you and I both know the fire escape is your special hiding spot." Nikita glares at her. "You only go there when something is wrong... Now tell me, what's wrong?"

"You wanna know what's wrong?" Alex laughs. She disappeared into her closet and emerged with a pile of coats. "I have enough clothes to probably clothe every single starving kid in this city, yet I can't decide which one to wear to this stupid thing tonight."

"It's not a stupid thing..." Nikita retorts. "You're getting an award for all your hard work with the UN. You should be proud of yourself. I know I am." Nikita smiles. She picked up a simple black coat from the pile of clothes Alex had thrown on top of her bed and handed it to her friend. "How 'bout this one?"

"Wait, no!" Alex grabbed it immediately and hugged the fabric close to her.

"Okay... now I know something is definitely wrong." Nikita glares at her. She took a step around the bed and gently took the jacket away from Alex's hands. "Talk to me Alex."

"You're going to think I'm crazy..." Alex tries to avoid the question, but Nikita crossed her arms and stayed put, pestering her friend further.

"Alex..." Nikita frowns. She flipped the jacket over in her hands and inspected the tag on the inside. "Is this-"

"Nikita, please..." Alex begs her to drop the subject.

"Sean's?" Nikita asks. Alex nodded sadly and sat down on her bed, on the verge of tears. "Oh Alex," Nikita feels guilty. She walked over to her friend and sat down on the bed next to Alex, trying her best to comfort the young girl. "It's okay to talk about him."

"No, I know..." Alex shakes away her stubborn tears. She sighed, knowing she could never hide things from Nikita.

"What is it?" Nikita asks, concerned.

Alex gave her a look then suddenly stood up, making her way toward the windows in her living room. "I saw him..." Alex finally admits. She stood in front of the windows, eyeing the metal railings on her fire escape and sighed. "Nikita, he was sitting right there." She says, pointing toward a cold shadow cast upon her red brick walls. "Next to me... and for a moment, I believed everything was perfect..." She frowns. "And then, just like that... he was gone..."

Nikita walked up behind Alex, wishing she could trade places with the girl. Alex sighed and turned to face Nikita, a single tear running down her cheek. "That jacket is the only reminder I have left of him..."

Nikita didn't know what to say to Alex. She knew anything she could say Alex would just throw it back in her face and continue to wallow away, always the stubborn one. So instead, Nikita sighed, backing away to give her friend a little space.

Alex appreciated it. She glanced out her window again, watching the last of the sun set behind the towering New York skyline. "I know it sounds crazy." Alex sighs, "But I want to believe that he's still out there... watching over me." She smiles at the thought. "Like my own personal guardian angel."

"I don't think its crazy at all." Nikita smiles at her friend. Alex looked at her confused, waiting for a better explanation. "You know, in the beginning, I used to see Daniel too." Nikita admits.

Alex looked at her surprised. "Really?" She asks.

Nikita nodded. "And sometimes I still see Ryan."

Alex smiled, taking in that thought. After a moment of silence she turned to stare out her window again, fixing her eyes on a small American flag waving in the distance. The sight of it reminding her of everything Sean stood for.

After another moment, Nikita looked at her watch. She hated having to break Alex away from her thoughts but it was getting late, and if they didn't leave soon, they'd be late for her awards ceremony.

"Alex..." Nikita begins to say. "It's getting late." She places Sean's jacket on a chair next to Alex and walked toward the door. "We should go, Michael is waiting for us downstairs."

"Can I have one more minute?" Alex asks. She gave Nikita a look, pleading for more time. "I'll meet you downstairs… I just need to grab one last thing before we go."

"Okay." Nikita gives her a smile, "I'll see you soon." On that note, Nikita quietly slips through the door, giving Alex a moment alone.

After Nikita left, Alex returned her gaze toward the windows in her living room. She took a step forward, poking her head out into the fire escape. "Sean?" She calls out. "Are you there?" No response. Alex sighed and closed her window, knowing it was wishful thinking he would appear whenever she wanted him to.

Time was slowly ticking by again, Alex knew it was time to go. She took a deep breath and picked up Sean's coat off the chair Nikita had laid it on, hugging it close to her body. She could almost feel his warmth again, along with his scent. With a heavy heart, Alex dragged her feet toward the door. She passed by the note she had hastily scribbled Sean's name on top of and picked it up.

"Dear Sean..." Alex reads. She opened her door and turned around, whispering into her loft, "If you change your mind... I'll be waiting for you, forever and always."

* * *

**A/N: Tell me the truth, did you cry? If so... GOOD! My sole intention for this story is to rip your hearts out, because Sean Pierce deserves some mourning... Rest in peace, boy scout.**

**Continue? Of course... that shouldn't be a question. I write too much for this to be a one shot. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 2**

* * *

Nikita was patiently waiting for Alex downstairs when the girl finally returned. "Hey." She smiles, instantly spotting the jacket Alex was wearing. "You got everything you need?" She asks.

Alex nodded. She clutched her secret note inside of Sean's heavy jacket and headed toward Michael's waiting car. Sam stood before her, opening the rear seat's door. She was surprised to see him.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks him.

"What do you think?" Sam replies.

Alex gave him a look, slightly annoyed he never listened to her. "I hired you to be my bodyguard..." She glares at him, "At the arena." She emphasizes. "Not my chauffeur."

"That's what I'm doing." Sam argues. "I stationed two men at the arena. I'm here to provide on-sight protection."

"Two men?" Alex looks toward Michael who shrugs. "Is that really necessary? It's a Human Right's convention. They don't get that rowdy."

"I'm just doing my job." Sam smirks. Alex rolls her eyes and steps into the car, not bothering to argue with him. "What?" Sam catches Michael's amused look. "She always does this to me... you say you want protection, you're gonna get protection."

Nikita laughed and stepped up to Sam. "You're doing fine." She tells him. "Just try not to overcrowd her."

"Okay, next stop, convention center." Michael smiles as he settles himself into the driver's seat.

Sam climbed in next to him on the passenger side while Nikita buckles herself into the backseat with Alex. She caught her friend briefly staring out her window and called her attention. "Hey." Nikita gently places a hand on top of Alex's. "You okay?" She asks.

Alex tore her gaze away from her skewed view of her fire escape and nodded. "Yeah." She convinces herself. "I just can't wait to get this thing over with."

* * *

Fifteen minutes before her scheduled appearance, Alex finally arrived at the convention center. A horde of spectators instantly surrounded her car, making it difficult for Michael to maneuver around them.

"This is why I wanted to come earlier." He complains, looking back at Alex. "Sorry."

"It's alright." Alex replies. She glanced out her window and frowned. She couldn't believe all these people were here because of her. It didn't seem right. Alex sighed. "I guess I'll be fashionably late." She shrugs, still not used to this fame.

"Okay, that won't matter if we can't get past these animals." Sam frowns. He steps out the car and opens the door for Alex. "Come on," He says. "Stay close. I don't want them to rip you to shreds."

"I got it." Alex pushes him slightly away. "Just tell them to back off."

Sam glanced at Nikita who gave him a knowing look. "You heard the girl." Nikita announces to the crowd. "Make some room!" She shouts. "Alexandra needs to get through!"

"Thanks Nikita." Alex smiles as she quickly follows Michael's lead into the convention center.

After Alex was out of sight Nikita turned to face Sam. "I was just trying to do my job." He frowns.

"I know." Nikita replies. She grabbed his arm and pulled him aside, just inside of the doorway. "Listen, tonight is a big night for Alex. No time for any of your crude jokes okay?"

"What makes tonight any different?" Sam frowns. "She's been on edge all week, I can't even get close to her."

"She's just going through a lot..." Nikita glances in Alex's direction. She could see her friend being crowded by reporters and officials, hounding her with endless press coverage. Nikita frowned and caught Sam's confused look, he was waiting for more details. "Do you know what day it is today?" Nikita asks.

Sam took a moment to think. He glanced at Alex. She looked so small, carrying an array of freshly cut flowers. However, the amount of beauty in one place was not enough to shadow the expression of her face. She was trying to convey a strong shell, but Sam could tell by her eyes how much she wanted to drop everything and return home... return home to a place she once shared with Sean.

"Oh." Sam realizes. This was the moment he finally understood why this particular day was so different than others...

"I know it's only been a year." Nikita tells him, "But be patient with her... Sean meant the world to her."

* * *

Backstage at the convention center, Alex hovered by the thick curtains, peeking her eyes into the large crowd. She whispered Sean's name adamantly, wishing if she could just try hard enough, she might be able to spot him somewhere in the crowd. But no matter how hard she wished, she knew it was only just a dream.

Alex sighed and closed her eyes. She could almost picture him now, mocking her from above. Teasing her about how stubborn she could be... but he was stubborn too. Ridiculously stubborn, to a point where she loved to hate him.

She wished she could see him, standing behind her, a rosy hue and a vision in white. A perfect dream in a black suit and tie, simple and elegant. Poised with a smirk and a whisper on his lips.

She could almost imagine him, the way he would never let her out of his sight... unless it was to prove a point.

Alex shook her head at the thought. She could picture his smug expression, his chocolate brown eyes; the way he gazed into her soul. It always made her smile even when she didn't even know she was... but around him, he always had a way of cracking her.

She could picture all the little things about him. Every little thing that made her love him. If only he knew... Alex sighed. She wished she could tell him. She tried to tell him, but in the end...

_"You don't need me." _Sean's voice echoed through her head. _"You've never needed me... or anyone..."_

Alex frowned, hating herself for the way things ended between them; but his words were true. She didn't need anyone... not now and not ever. No matter how many times people had to remind her: she didn't have to be alone... Alex knew that. She knew she didn't _have_ to be alone. The difference was she was perfectly fine being alone... content even; because in her silence, his appearance would reward her.

She would give anything to see his beautiful face one last time, if only she could turn back time...

"They're almost ready for you." Michael suddenly announces, walking up to her. His voice made her jump. Alex turned around, surprised to see him. Her face flushed red, embarrassed for her unlikely reaction.

"Michael!" Alex exclaims. She reached for her heart, feeling it beat faster from all the pressure she was under. "Gosh! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She shouts.

It wasn't like Alex to be so unprepared, usually her senses were more intact. Michael knew on any other day she could hear his footsteps from a mile away, but tonight was different. Michael looked at her worried, sensing something was wrong. "You okay?" He asks, cautiously. He knew what day it was but he didn't want to offend her... "You look nervous."

Alex sighed, trying her best to show Michael he didn't need to worry about her; she was tired of everyone worrying about her. But after so many years, she could never really mask herself in front of him. She had to admit to him, "I don't think I can do this."

"Why?" Michael asks. "You've spoken in front of crowds before. They all love you."

Alex gave him a small smile, grateful for his support; but she couldn't hold his powerful gaze... The crowd was calling her, anxious for her famous alter ego. She had so much support; from family, friends... unknowns around the whole world, but somehow she still felt like falling.

The world may love Alexandra Udinov, but her heart only belonged to Sean. The thought of him instantly made her turn away from Michael. "That was different..." Alex frowns. She tried to contain her emotions, looking out into the crowd. She didn't want to admit the difference was Sean.

All those times, he was there. Behind cameras, always looking out for her. She missed him so much, she felt like her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces again. "It's not the same..." Alex tearfully whispers. She wished it could be but Sean was right. _Life isn't fair._

Michael watched her with a heavy heart. He wished he could comfort her somehow, but he knew, just like Nikita, nothing they could say would make Alex change her mind.

"It's never going to be the same..." Alex frowns. She sighed and reached across from her, lifting up her bouquet of flowers. "And I guess I accept that."

"Alex..." Michael looks at her sadly. He tried to speak but she quickly cut him off.

"I can't do this... I can't go out there... alone..." Alex frowns. "I'm sorry." She clutched her flowers close to her and turns away slightly. "Excuse me."

"Wait, Alex!" Michael grabs her arm. "Where are you going?"

Alex shook her head and forced herself to look at Michael. "I'm sorry... I think I forgot something... in the car..."

"You can't leave." Michael argues. "Everyone is here to support you."

"Not everyone..." Alex frowns. She held back her tears and pulled away from Michael, backing up toward an exit door. "Tell Nikita I'm sorry, I just need a minute... don't worry about me..." Alex fakes a smile. "I'll be back."

"Alex. Alex!" Michael shouts after her, but she quickly ran off. "You're not alone..." He sighs, wishing she would stop running.

* * *

**A/N: Oh no! Where did Alex go? :(**


	3. Chapter 3

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 3**

* * *

Behind the convention center, in a small dimly lit alley way, a soft whimper could be heard. She didn't mean to run, but it was the only thing left she knew how to do. It gave her a sense of comfort. In the littlest way possible, a momentarily escape from the harsh reality of knowing the truth. She still couldn't accept the truth. It seemed too cruel, impossible... like a drug.

She used to think that the worse day of loving someone was the day you lose them, but that couldn't be more wrong. The worse day has been every day since he passed. Alex frowned, shaking her head as she slowed down, just long enough to catch her breath. She was hovering by the door, hugging the warmth from Sean's thick coat.

Her breathing was shallow in the night, desperate and aching for more warmth. "In and out..." Alex breathed. She tried to calm herself down as she leaned against the rusty exit door. "Just breathe, Alex. You can do this, it's only a few... hundred people..." She tries to convince herself. But the thought of going back in there alone scared her. She didn't know why. After all this time, after everything she had to put up with since... she should be used to being alone by now. That fact didn't bother her so much.

Why couldn't they just understand? Nikita and Michael, they were perfect, married. Living a life Alex had only dreamed about. She wanted what they had, she thought it was worth fighting for but in the end it seemed like she was never meant to have that sort of life if she couldn't have it with Sean.

She began to tug on his jacket, wishing he was here to hold her. The endless thoughts of what could have been surrounded her. With so much regret, Alex shook her head, fighting back her tears as she glanced up toward the moon. He had promised her he would always be here for her... She never had to ask because, without a doubt, when she'd least expected it, he never let her down.

But now she was screaming for him. "Sean, please!" Alex begs. She called out his name in agony, clutching onto her heart as she slowly sank down to the ground in pain. "Why aren't you here!?" She screams. "You promised me you would be here!"

Her desperate calls bounced off the empty walls of the ally, hitting her heart with a new gut wrenching sense of sorrow. "Of all the times I didn't ask for you..." Alex frowns. "But it didn't matter because you were here…" She smiles fondly. "You were always here... guiding me, guarding me, protecting me from myself." She frowns.

"Sean? Can you hear me?" Alex whispers into the sky. "I'm asking now... can you hear me? I want you here... So please, please be here!"

She waited an agonizing long minute, counting down each second in pure pain. She closed her eyes, about to give up all her hopes when a voice called for her.

_"I'm here." He speaks softly beside her._

"Sean." Alex breathed, her eyes still closed.

_"Hey, Angel." Sean smiles._ His voice so heavenly, she knew it wasn't real.

He was so close to her, yet just out of her reach. "Sean..." Alex whispers to him. She never wanted to open her eyes. She could almost see him now, just a shadow beneath her eyelids. "You came." She smiles.

_"Open your eyes." He replies._

"No." Alex shakes her head. "I can't." If she did, he would disappear.

_"I want to see your eyes." He begs._

"But I can't see yours." She argues.

It wasn't fair. She couldn't have it both ways. _"Alex..." Sean frowns._

"I'm sorry." Alex cries. She shook her head again. So stubborn, refusing to show him her bright blue eyes.

_"If I can't see you, I have to go." Sean says._

"No! No, please." Alex begs. "Stay with me."

_"Alex..."_

"Please!" She cries. "Sean, I don't want to lose you again." She panicked for a moment, thinking he'd disappear again.

_"You're not losing me." He argues._

"But I am!" Alex shouts, desperately. She shook her head harder, still refusing to show him her eyes. "Every day, little by little, it's getting harder to remember... you and what we had." She frowns. "I loved you Sean." She finally admits to him. "I'll never stop loving you, for as long as I live. You're all that I have left."

_"I know, I've always known." He smiles. "But now it's time to let go."_

"What if I don't want to let go?" Alex argues.

_Sean sighed. "What are you so afraid of?"_

"Forgetting you... and us."

_"You can't erase who we were, or what we had..."_

"I know..." Alex frowns. "I know that, deep down, everyone says that but it's not the same Sean. It's not the same without you here, I want you to really be here!" She cries.

_"When you love someone, they'll always be apart of you." Sean tries to comfort her. "Forever, attached to an invisible thread. Spinning, dangling, no matter how far away, nothing will ever break this bond." He looks toward her, willing her to look back at him. "I love you too, Alex. I'll always be here for you, but I need you to be here too... not just part of you. I need you to start living again, Alex. For the both of us." Sean smiles. "__Please, open your eyes."_

"If I open my eyes, will you promise me something?" Alex asks.

_"Anything."_

"You'll wait for me?"

_"Forever and always." Sean smiles. __He stands up and offers her his hand. "It's time." He tells her. "Michael and Nikita are waiting for you too."_

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. Taking his hand, she lifted herself off the ground and faced the door, hesitating for a brief moment. She looked back at him, taking in his memory.

_"What are you doing?" Sean asks._

"Remembering this..." Alex smiles.

Everyone copes differently, she thought. Some cry for the loss of a loved one. Others smile because they know they'll see them again. "_Maybe I'm one of those people_." She smirks.

_"Go ahead." Sean whispers. "I'll be right here beside you." He encourages her. "Never forget that."_

"I won't." She smiles at him. "I'll see you on the other side."

* * *

**A/N: Short chapter because honestly, how many more tears can you shed if I kept writing? Continue? Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 4**

* * *

In 60 seconds, the floor will be set, the curtains will open, and a bright light will shine its rays on center stage. An announcer will call her name and in time she will be due to make a speech, accept her award and be done with it. But in the 60 seconds it took her to walk back into the room, all Alex could think about now was how she didn't think she deserved this award or any recognition associated at all.

As she mindlessly walked through the room, one thing became certain: no one seemed to notice she was back - or even gone, not even security. It was an odd yet relieving feeling to know that all the stress of the day was not focused on her, the star of the show, but on the ceremony itself.

She began to think now, if she had truly disappeared, would they ever notice she was gone? Of course they would. Alex tried to ignore these thoughts. She pushed back the negativity and tried to focus on the positive instead. She could do this, she had to be brave - for him.

The clock was ticking faster now. "Twenty seconds!", a woman shouts toward Alex.

Alex quickly looked at her. She felt a knot in her stomach, nervous and beyond control - scared. She suddenly spotted many stage hands, assistants, and reporters all rushing around her, eager for showtime. As the curtains raised, Alex stopped to take it all in.

"We're here tonight to honor an extraordinary woman…" an announcer begins to speak.

She stood near the stairs and froze for a second, instinctually wanting to run away again; but she knew better than to repeat her patterns. However, she stayed paralyzed at the bottom of the stage, not knowing how she found herself already there.

Another second passed and the woman grew tired. She began to walk toward Alex, insisting her to follow. "Ms. Udinov" she calls out, "are you ready?"

The crowd was waiting for her. A roar of excitement filled the air as flashes blindly enticed her. The spotlight was on her now. "A true hero: Alexandra Udinov," she hears her name being called, but she doesn't recognize it. It seemed foreign, a cover still.

"Ms. Udinov," the lady calls again. It was time. Alex looked toward the podium. More flashes blinded her, causing her to duck her head and turn away. "Ms. Udinov!" she ignores her name and continues to look away, frantically trying to stay calm - stay brave.

But it wasn't working. "I can't do this... I can't don't this..." Alex cries, "I'm so sorry Se-"

She wanted to run again but Nikita appeared beside her, just in time. "Alex", she calmly stops her.

Alex froze and glanced at her friend. Tears stained her eyes but Nikita doesn't say more, doesn't even question her friend's whereabouts or actions. She only looks at the young girl and smiles - giving her all of her support.

Alex gave her a look full of mixed emotions, ranging from relief to a full-blown panic. When the announcer motions for her to walk forward again, Alex shakes her head, begging Nikita for help.

Nikita takes a deep breath and directs her eyes toward the hollering crowd, "Its the moment before you're due to hit the stage that bright lights suddenly hit you, stopping you like a deer in the headlights..." she begins to speak openly.

"Ms. Udinov..." the announcer calls but Nikita ignores him and continues to walk toward a paralyzed Alex.

"Now you're frozen and the only thing you can feel is this winding fear creeping up your spine," Nikita explains, "It's instinctual to run... all these emotions are weighing on your shoulders..."

Theres a pause and Alex follows Nikita's eyes toward the stage again. A medal on a plaque beside a table waited for her, but Alex shakes her head again - not ready, not wanting to accept this and move on...

She quickly glances back at Nikita, panic still rising. Nikita senses her worries; she mouths the words, "_It's okay_" and walks toward the first step on the stage, giving Alex a hug.

The embrace surprises Alex for a second. Confused, she pulls away, struggling to form a thought, "I-"

"It's a lot to handle all at once," Nikita continues to tell her, "you may feel overwhelmed - anxious even... like you suddenly can't breathe..."

Alex looks down, embarrassed. Nikita knew her too well.

"There's this pounding in your chest you can't control... and it's painful..." Nikita frowns, "trust me, I know, but you can't escape it. You can't run from it... because the world is watching you now;" she gently lifts the young girl's head and flashes her a quick reassuring smile, "I know you, Alex. You're not the type of person to run away from a fight, because this right here is a fight..." she explains.

Alex looks at her momentarily confused again, but her words slowly sunk in.

"Its been a long, exhausting, and worn out battle from day one - but it's not over," Nikita continues. "It's going to be an uphill battle. A struggle of great extremes - but I know you, Alex. You're not going to give up. You're not going to stand there like an idiot and do nothing. You will fight this battle because you are Alexandra Udinov!" she smiles, "and you're the best person I know."

Her comments bring out a small smile in Alex, but the spotlight still shinned and the roaring crowd grew anxious.

"We've been through so much worse than this..." Nikita distracts her, "and we've survived. But just because you're a survivor, does not mean you have to survive this alone... or anything alone..."

"I know-" Alex tries to speak, but Nikita stops her.

"No, you don't know," Nikita glares at her. "You say you do but it's a lie. You've been in hiding - locked up, pigeon-holed in that tiny loft of yours. It's been weeks, Alex. To use this night as an excuse to finally see you - to bring you back into the world is insane. It shouldn't have to be this way... I don't want it to be this way."

Nikita's words hurt her. She wanted to apologize, say she didn't mean ignore her - but no amount of words or apologizes could make up for her absence. And Nikita knew that, she looked at Alex and sighed.

"When Daniel died... I wanted nothing more than to give up too. I thought it was too much... the pain, the loss..." Nikita frowns, "I walked around for weeks by his lake house, just staring at the crystal clear water, imaging how he could have drowned. It's morbid... I couldn't get it out of my head... I kept thinking, where was I? Why wasn't I there to save him?"

Alex stayed silent. Nikita rarely mentioned Daniel and when she did, she knew she never liked to talk about it - but the difference back then was Nikita had no one to talk to about it. It would be years later that they would meet again.

"You are not alone, Alex. I don't know how many times we have to tell you this... I don't know how many times anyone could go through what you've been through... but to go through all that and come out of it as strong as you've been - it's amazing. You're amazing, but I don't think you know that," Nikita sighs.

She looks around and gestures for Alex, "Do you see where you're standing?" she points to a sign advertising the night's events, "This stage... that man over there, he's here to give you something you deserve. An award, a token of gratitude of the highest honor. It's a gift at the end of the road, up top this hill we've been climbing - and on this very stage for all the world to see - it's time to show them who you really are."

"And who is that?" Alex asks.

"The hero everyone's been waiting for," Nikita replies. "They're looking to you now. For guidance, support... they need you to tell them the truth. They've been waiting long enough for it."

"I think it's time..." Michael joins in. He looks at Alex and smiles. "Nikita is right. It's time you told your side of the story - the whole story," he urges.

Alex takes a moment to think then looks toward the man on the stage. He glared at her, wondering what was the delay. Alex took a deep breath and glanced back at Michael and Nikita. "I have a better idea," she says. "I'm going to tell them _our_ story."

* * *

**A/N: To those of you who have waited so long for an update, I am truly sorry. And to those of you who have just discovered this story, thank you for sticking around :) One more chapter left (I think that's fitting...) maybe an epilogue too. (idk, it's too soon to tell. I haven't even starting writing yet.)**

**Please review, thank you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 5**

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This was the test, the moment everyone has been waiting for. She had to take a deep breath and push forward, push back all her fears and somehow, after the war, find the courage to walk again. But Alex had a goal, this time something new to live for.

She had a story to tell, but not just any story, she wanted to tell the world everything... explain to them all the things she had tried so hard to forget. But that wasn't all, she had more to her story than just her struggles and triumphs. She had _his_ story too, and _their_ story, together.

They were partners in every way. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops, admit to everyone in the world how much she loved him; but most of all, she wanted to tell these stories to him. She knew he would be listening, he always did.

Now was her chance to share with him the stories he always asked for. The good, the bad, it didn't matter - he would hear them all.

As she made her way to the podium, Alex took a moment to gaze out into the anxious crowd. Just for a second to see...

They were tired and waiting, and all faces seemed to blur into one; but somewhere out there, she knew Sean was watching her. She could see him in everything now. From the eyes of the people next to her, to the small children waving flags down below. He was there, reflecting in spirit, waiting for her to speak, and always in her heart.

With that knowledge beside her, she finally reached inside her pocket and began to speak:

"Dear Sean..." Alex reads from her note, "two years ago, you asked me for a story... and I brushed it off, saying 'maybe later'... because I always thought there would be a _later_ for us... Now, it's one year _later_ and I'm still waiting for you to come home, baby, come sit down with me, joke with me... be with me, because I want this _later_ to be right now."

"It's funny..." she frowns, "how these little things... work. I know, I shouldn't expect things from you, like you can't ever expect things from me... but I have a story for you now," Alex smiles. She takes a moment to look back out into the crowd, "and if you don't mind, I'd like to share it with a few new friends of ours."

"Six years ago, I did a crazy thing..." Alex admits to the crowd. "It wasn't painful... but then again I was used to the pain, and the needles..."

The crowd grew silent in anticipation as Alex turned around and lifted her carefully curled locks off her shoulders, revealing her famous butterfly tattoo. "I got this tattoo at the height of a really bad time in my life" she sighs and turns back around to face the audience, "I know many of you know the story... but trust me, you don't know this story, or at least the whole story."

"Seven years ago... I thought my life was over" Alex continues sadly, "I was at my lowest low. Taken and forced to perform unimaginable acts with no end in sight. I never thought it could get worse than this..." she says trailing off for a moment before regaining her strength, "but just _seven_ years ago..." Alex emphasizes, "I was not alone."

Her words were never more true. She was not alone. "I met a girl during one of my stays in the brothel..." Alex explains. "We shared a room together. I remember, she used to always tell me stories about her childhood," she begins to smile as she reminisces about her old friend. "We held onto the past and these stories because it was the only thing good left in our lives at the time..." Alex sighs.

"I remember, she would tell me all these stories about her family, and her love for climbing trees in the forests outside her village with her brothers and sisters. It was so beautiful how her eyes lit up every time she explained each detail of her sister's lightly pink woven dress flying through the tall tree branches, fearless of falling" Alex continues to smile brightly, remembering more.

"I was envious of her life," Alex admits, "growing up, I loved my Mother and Father, but I always dreamed of having a sister too - someone I could share all my secrets with. During our time, my friend, the girl in the brothel with too many siblings to count, retorted, I was crazy for wanting to trade my life of riches for hers" Alex frowns. "But despite that, she was - and will always be a sister to me..."

"One day, after a relatively rough night of cruel chores, the men would come in, drag us off our beds and demand more heinous acts. But we were tired, and she refused... She always had an attitude for these moments" Alex laughs. "Over time, I learned to be silent though, for sake, I was scared of what they could do to me if I refused... but my friend, the fearless one, on this crazy night, stood up on her weakening and fatigued legs and boldly became a hero in my eyes."

"The men became angry with her. They dragged her away, and I didn't see her for a full 24 hours. When she returned to me, bloody and bruised, she told me her tale. The story of how she ended up in the same place as me."

"She never liked to talk about it, and on the off days when I would ask, curiously, she would reply: 'it is not easy to be us, my dear, people will take pity if they hear our stories. I don't want anyone to look down on me, but myself' she says. This is why she stays silent, for fear of not being her best."

"I looked at this girl, so skinny, so weak and imagined how she could still be so strong after what these men did to her. She told me to have faith, for one day we would all fly free."

"But if I must know, she would give me a gift. She wanted me to hear her story so that if maybe, one day we escaped, I could tell her story to help others" Alex smiles. "Just like us."

"So she sat me down, dry blood staining her tattered clothes, and began to tell me her tale. She explained to me, despite her stories of a happy childhood, it was easy to go days unnoticed. She explained to me how with so many siblings, she became a ghost, and invisible to her parents eyes" Alex says sadly, "I didn't understand, but now I do..." she frowns, "She explained to me how one day, she had this urge to go exploring, but her siblings refused to go with her, saying she needed to grow up - 'there's no time for foolish adventures'," Alex quotes.

"She felt abandoned by her own family," Alex frowns, "maybe that's the reason why she was always so guarded with the darker side of stories..." she explains, "but I never thought of her differently, because to me, this girl I met in the brothel, was still fearless. I looked at her, grabbed her hand and told her not to worry. Because, someday, we're going to fly!"

"She ended up telling me the rest of her story, how she was never scared to be alone. So she wandered into the forest by herself that night, looking for her favorite tree to relax by when a group of men ambushed her. They attacked her, beat her, and all she could remember next was waking up in an abandon house with a man trying to sell her."

"Her story is not that much different that mine. We were victims of human trafficking, a topic the world is too scared to admit is a problem in our society. You won't hear about it much in America, but its a bigger problem in other countries. I hear stories all the time from my own streets in Russia, to the outskirts of Mumbai of young girls, no less than my own age at the time, being taken from their homes, and sold to men for profit."

"It is a continuous fight to raise awareness, but I hope these stories I tell will inspire everyone in this room to go out, seek the truth, find justice and make a difference - because we can" Alex smiles.

"Sean, I know this story still doesn't explain why I decided to get a butterfly tattoo but I will get to it" she laughs and whispers to the crowd, "he was always impatient."

"My friend would always dream about one day climbing onto the roof and escaping by flying away on butterfly wings" Alex explains. She pauses for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing, "We lived in this small brothel for months, just the two of us sharing this tiny room. I saw her through all her ups and unfortunately her downs."

"Everyone has moments of weakness," Alex continues, "my friend, the fearless, had her moments too. She fought for months, and each time she'd return to me more bloody than before. Sometimes, not even remembering her own name. I would remind her of her stories and she'd think I was insane. You see, the men wanted to silence her, they filled her up with drugs - as they did with me too," Alex frowns.

"One night she got high..." Alex pauses, getting emotional, "she made it up there... to the roof... and she decided to try and fly."

"Six years ago, I escaped… I ran across the state, searching for freedom… but over time, I have learned something…" she pauses briefly, "freedom isn't given, and it's not taken either. It's a gift."

"In the last five years, I have been blessed with an amazing gift" Alex explains, "Friends, family..." she says looking offstage toward Michael and Nikita, "but the one thing I will always cherish is this life."

"Many people take it for granted. I know I have," Alex admits. "But I've survived a lot of things in my life... those stories can be for another day, but I have a new mission in life today. My friend gave up her's for me... and when I found out the news, I almost wanted to give up too - she was my only friend, but those nights alone in our shared room, I thought to myself, the promise I made to her: we're going to fly."

"I planned my escape, and decided to live for her... and for all the people who have died in my life. I am honored to be alive, and to have the chance to be on this stage and tell everyone my stories today. I got this butterfly tattoo because it is a symbol to me, it helps me realize that there are second chances in life, and that if I want to live again..., I need to open my eyes to more than what's in front of me."

"I don't know about you, but there's a beauty in the little things we can't see every day. I open my eyes, and I see everything my friends have taught me."

"I know you had no idea you were teaching me, Sean..." Alex smiles to herself and thinks back for a moment, remembering, "You taught me innocent, reckless love, without abandonment. You taught me how to turn a life full of fear into a life full of faith. But most importantly, you taught me that I could be more independent than I ever wanted to be."

"You taught me more things than I could have ever imagine in a lifetime. I learned from you, all the values that made you the man I will always love. I love you, Sean... you taught me how to fight for what I believe in, and you taught me what forgiveness is, what true family means, and how to live... But the greatest gift I have ever received from you was hope."

"This story isn't over, Sean" Alex smiles, "Because everyday will bring new stories to share with you."

She sighs and begins to fold up her wrinkled note, "I have one more story to share, if that's okay with you..." she says, addressing the crowd. "Tonight, you've heard me mention his name a lot... he's someone very dear to my heart who's inspired me as much as I hope my words tonight will inspire you all, and so on to seek the truth."

"Four years ago, I met a man who changed my life" Alex smiles, brightly. "He always had my back, through thick and thin and tonight I have his'" Alex informs, "I want the world to know the truth about Sean Pierce. He was not a murderer, he was not a traitor. He was human."

"Sean Pierce died one year ago today. He left me and this world with all of his good intentions, and it saddens me how the world doesn't know who he truly is" Alex frowns. "Sean Pierce was a hero, not a traitor like some media sources have reported about his death. He was an ambitious and honorable soldier, a Navy SEAL, who I like to call Captain America," Alex jokes. "He was kind, admirable, and someone who would never leave a friend behind."

"He was the definition of a true hero. Someone who showed more courage in the face of adversaries than most people I know. His final act on earth was protecting me and in his wake, I vowed to get better... challenge myself and continue to fight his fight. I challenge you all to do the same."

"Go out and seek the truth, my friends" Alex exclaims, "Write to local government offices, challenge new ways of thinking. Make a difference in the world. This is my vow, to you... Sean, I will always open my eyes to new things in life. But never forget, we are only human."

"Goodnight, my friend, I'll be seeing you soon."

* * *

**A/N: End of speech :) Take that last line however you will... his legacy will live on.**

**So good ending to the story? Want an epilogue? Please Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys I have not one but two new updates to this story! Here's part one:**

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 6**

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In the coming months that followed the night of his second anniversary, Alex found herself returning to her favorite spot above the city. It wasn't because she missed him or wished to see his face again, it was because every morning after his last appearance, rain or shine, she could see a small flag being raised in the far off distance. Each morning, as if it was a sign, or a blessing from him, Alex would wake up anticipating it. 7 am on the dot, never early, never late. She lived for these moments, the little things most people wouldn't notice or wait for. But she loved seeing that flag blowing in the wind, as much as she loved him.

She never stayed on the terrace too long, for it wasn't meant to be an escape. But on this particular morning in November, she lingered by the thick black railings and locked her eyes on something new, a mysterious figure looking in her direction. He wore a thick suit, embossed with shiny golden pin stripes, a winged lapel, and a minty pressed black tie. He tipped his hat in her direction and in her surprise, returned her a smile she thought was lost forever.

In hindsight, she could've sworn she was seeing a ghost. But he soon disappeared through his open window across from her's and materialized on the streets below her, carrying a suitcase in one hand and a bouquet of roses in the other.

Alex stared at him in confusion, wondering where he was off to so early in the morning. Work perhaps? On a Sunday? She doubted it, but maybe he was off to save the world, who knows? It could be a start to a new day, or an adventure far far away.

It never occurred to her that the world was still moving. As she watched his steps grow distant in the lightly covered snow, she noticed the path he took looked strange. He was walking along the concrete pavements, dropping rose petals along the way - unaware of his admirers.

Alex felt a need to follow him. She didn't know or understand why, but something was pushing her towards the door. So she quickly grabbed her favorite coat, and in a pure spontaneous act, raced down the stairs of her apartment complex, stumbled out the red-brick building's rusty front door and kicked a fresh blanket of snow in bewilderment.

She wanted to call out a stranger's name. Scream, 'wait for me, say you know me from somewhere... some place in time. Tell me this is crazy... but you remember me...' Alex frowns, 'Do you?' she wonders, 'If you somehow saw a girl... a long time ago, in a cold dress, across the way, say you'll remember that it was me...'

She pleaded for him to come back, but she never knew his name. She only knew of one thing: this stranger, so uncanny, wasn't going to wait around for her. So Alex turned a corner and sighed, almost kicking herself for such a stupid act. She was too curious. She wanted to know who he was, why she never saw him before.

Was she too focused on work again? Hiding in her apartment, reverting to old habits? Alex shook her head, it was just an off day. This man had to be real. After her speech several months ago, she had promised her friends she would see them again; and she did. Every two weeks Nikita would come over for a girls' night. Some nights they'd even break free from the dim walls of her living space and hit the town to see the lights instead of dining in. Nikita would catch her up on the latest head-spinning trip she and Michael took the past weekend. She would tell grand tales of crashing glimmering museums and busting high-end collectors smuggling something else under the crates of historical art. Alex would laugh about the trips, joke she'd have to join in on the next crusade around the world one day, just like old times.

It wasn't all tough talk though. On a lighter note, Nikita would also mention old friends. Enlighten Alex about Birkhoff's growing collection of comic-book dolls on his mantel. Combined with Sonya's wondrous books, the foyer to his new beach house looked like organized chaos, but they called it home. Alex would smile and be happy for them, everyone seemed to be moving on with life better than her. Even Sam, who found peace returning to his roots and making up for all the wrongs he had ever committed. He saved his money he earned from Alex's various job offers and decided to go home and search for his lost family, the one he abandoned when he left for the Army many years ago - never to return until just this year.

Alex received a letter from him the other day, hand written - old fashion, saying thanks for the advice, if it wasn't for her, he would've never been inspired to seek the truths he had forgotten about. He would've never had the courage to walk back into his hometown, take a seat at a local diner, and run into an angel from his past.

Sam talks about her all the time, how he hasn't felt this way since Emily... Nikita approves, "Mariah is just like you," she says. "Independent and free, Sam has a hard time getting her to agree to all his plans, but I know they'll work through it. She's already caving into the idea of adopting a dog with him. Can you imagine?" Nikita jokes, "Sam taking care of another living creature? He really has changed."

Nikita would also mention new places in town she had stumbled across. Word of a new vegan bakery just down the street. It seemed wonderful, Alex thinks back. She would have to give it a try one day... maybe today...

Alex suddenly shivered from the cold, realizing she was still standing outside her apartment in the snow. She looked up at her fire escape and decided it was still early, maybe the bakery isn't open yet, but despite that, Alex hugged the warmth from Sean's old coat - her favorite coat - once more, and decided to keep walking.

She needed to get out of the house, think about what to do on her day off. As she trudge along the snowy winter path toward Nikita's bakery, Alex suddenly spotted a lonely flower vender, carrying an assortment of freshly picked roses.

She wandered over to the woman and gazed at the first plum rose she saw in awe. The steam of it just moist from a frosty morning dew.

"Good morning, miss" the older woman greets her nonchalantly.

"Morning," Alex smiles politely as she returns her attention toward the rose, "how much?" she asks curiously.

The women looks at her and suddenly perks up, recognition hitting her face, "I have something better for you" she says as she disappears behind her cart. When she finally emerged, she handed Alex an exquisite box, graced with a silver bow delicately placed on top. "It's perfect for you."

"What is it?" Alex asks.

"A rose," the woman replies, "one the hasn't bloomed yet... I think, because it's been waiting for someone as beautiful as you."

"Me?" Alex smiles shyly. She runs her hand across the pretty bow-tied box and places it back down, "I think you have the wrong person" Alex backs away slightly, "I'm no one..."

The woman laughs and looks down the street, "there's a man I know who used to say the same thing" she smiles toward Alex. "He comes to my shop each morning searching for the perfect rose, but he never accepts the one in this box" the woman explains. "He tells me to save it, for someone more deserving like you..."

"Deserving?" Alex laughs, "I am not deserving..." she pauses and looks away sadly, "maybe a long time ago you could say that, but times have changed... _things_ have changed... and I have not."

Alex began to frown, she felt guilty for going back on her word, ashamed for not trying hard enough to move on with her life. But she couldn't say she wasn't happy. She was content waking up each morning for a mysterious flag. "But that's okay," Alex tells the woman, "I wouldn't change a thing."

"This isn't the first time I've heard someone say that" the woman laughs, "you remind me a lot of him."

"Who?" Alex questions. "Why do you keep comparing me to a stranger I've never even seen before."

"He was just here... a few minutes ago, you didn't see him?" the woman wonders. "He's such a nice man... he came by and bought a single yellow rose - for his wife, you see?"

Alex watched as the woman plucked a similar rose from a bouquet and twirled it around in her hands, careful not to prick herself on the thorns. "Many years ago, he made her a promise: he'll send her a rose every day of his deployment until they saw each other again."

"Stop" Alex shakes her head. She didn't want to hear this. She didn't want to be reminded of lovely gestures and romantic stories. She didn't want to care if others were moving on with life better than her. "Just stop!" Alex harshly yells at the poor woman, "I know you mean well, but you don't know me! Your flowers are lovely, and I'm sure they will make others happy, but the truth is, they won't last forever... nothing lasts forever" Alex sighs, "This man you speak of is just wasting his time with things that will eventually die... why should I do the same?"

"That may be true" the woman admits. "My flowers don't preform miracles," she says holding up the yellow rose, "but the real gift isn't this gem. It's more valuable than that... Some people, they say, it's not the gift that's important, but the simple act of giving that's worth more than all the money in the world."

"Maybe you don't understand the story just yet, but this man..." the woman smiles again, "he's thought of everything you've just argued. But he doesn't care if it takes a thousands more roses to see his wife again..."

"Again?" Alex questions.

"Yes" The woman continues. "It was beautiful. Nearly 365 days of blooming petals, and on the very last day he planned her a surprise. They were supposed to meet under the bridge... just down there-" the woman points towards a park, "but a week before he was set to return, a letter arrived in the mail."

"Oh," Alex frowns, sensing something she was not ready to hear.

The woman nods, silently answering Alex's thoughts. "It was all over the news. A tragic accident... but there was nothing he could've done to save her."

"She died" Alex realizes.

"He visits her with a rose every day because she can no longer do the same" the woman explains.

"He's still keeping his promise" Alex thinks back, "a rose a day, until they see each other again."

"I know you say gifts like flowers for a ghost is meaningless, but it's the little things that make this man happy."

"Flowers for a ghost..." Alex smiles at that phrase. She glanced down the street and spotted the american flag waving in the distance. The sight of it always gave her joy and reminded her of Sean and how he used to visit her in her dreams. "I guess the little things do make a difference" Alex thinks out loud.

"I'm glad you agree" the woman smiles back and hands Alex the special rose box once more, "take it" she says. "It's my gift to you."

"Thank you" Alex gives the woman a hug and tells her, "I promise to come visit you more often... but for now, there's something I've been wanting to do for awhile now. I just didn't have enough courage until now."

* * *

**A/N: This took a long time to write because I couldn't figure out how I wanted to end the story. I still don't know if I like it but maybe the point of the story is that it's okay to not have closure, as long as you're alive and happy to an extent... part 2 coming soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here's part 2. The last chapter...**

**Flowers for a Ghost: Chapter 7**

* * *

The drive outside of town wasn't the most difficult, Alex knew exactly where she was going. She knew this path so well, she could probably drive there in her sleep. However, she never dreamt about coming back here. Not until now.

The access inside the area wasn't difficult either, the land had been abandoned for awhile now... to a point where Alex almost considered buying it from the government just to keep trespassers from discovering what was buried underneath.

When she pulled up along the dirt path, the sight of a crumbling barn in the distance made her smile. Despite all the bad moments Division held, she had to admit there were some good times too.

Alex parked her car and sat inside the cool space for a moment, relaxing. The most difficult part was never coming back to Division. It was never about the potential memories flooding back, or the life she once lived here. The most difficult part was always coming back to say goodbye to _him_.

For two years, she avoided this place. She avoided life and anything that would've allowed her to forget about him and move on. But now Alex was starting to accept, maybe this didn't have to be goodbye... at least not a goodbye for too long.

At the base of the largest oak tree on the property, a small stone engraved with the initials _S.P._ was waiting for her. It was a small memorial, but it was all she had at the time. Now two years later, Alex wanted to make up for it. She knew the world was beginning to know who he was and what he did for her. She told them his story, and how he was the best person anyone could've been, but despite the stories and the purple heart, she felt like it was never enough to honor the sacrifices he gave up for her.

Sean was always right. It was always about the little things in life that made a difference. So today Alex wanted to embrace that. She finally took a deep breath and stepped out of her car, making sure her special rose box was tucked safely in her arms. She walked directly up to the tall tree and instantly spotted the stone. "Hi Sean" Alex speaks to him.

She wished she could see him one last time, but not since the day of her UN speech has he graced her with his presence. She didn't know why she ever thought this day could've been different. However, she hovered for a second longer, waiting for the chance of a reply from him.

Sadly Alex let out a breath and slowly sat down by the base of the tree. She leaned into it's thick trunk and closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of him.

"Dear Sean," Alex begins again, "I know you probably never expected to see me here again... in fact you'd probably hate me for returning to Division, but newsflash babe - Division technically doesn't exists anymore" she laughs. "So here I am Sean! I'm sitting in the middle of nowhere. Literally talking to a tree... or a rock, or myself, or whatever you want to point at... but the point is: I'm here now."

"It's been a long time coming," Alex pauses briefly. She takes a moment to pull out her special rose box and continues to speak to him, "I know it isn't much, but it's a start..." she explains. "I'm here... It is the little things that count right?" she asks as she runs her hands along the shiny silver ribbon. "The fact that I'm here _now_?"

She questioned why she was here again, and whether or not something as little a this trip would make a difference, but if she had to admit maybe it wasn't so bad if this visit meant she could just imagine his face once more.

Alex opened her eyes and looked up at the sky, speaking to him once again, "Sometimes when I close my eyes, I pretend that I'm alright..." she admits, "but it's never enough, Sean."

"I used to think something like this was stupid. Like giving flowers, or saying a prayer, or even lighting a candle would make everything okay. But the truth is, it's not okay. It's not okay that I miss seeing you... and," she stops and begins again, "and if they knew that I wasn't really trying... that I wasn't getting better - then I've let myself down too" Alex frowns.

"I'm sorry." She rests for a moment, giving him another chance to reply if possible.

"Oh Sean," Alex closes her eyes again, pleading, "I would take a whisper or another voice inside my head if all this meant you could come back to me..." she clutched onto the stone with his initials and held it close to her heart. "It's crazy talk. You and I both know it, but I just want to be alive again and feel you next to me..."

A small leaf falls from the tree and Alex asks for him, "Sean?" she opens her eyes to the tiny thing sitting in her lap. She takes a deep breath and continues talking to him.

"People keep talking, you know?" Alex continues. "But I don't hear a single word they say. I know now, nothing in this world could ever change this fate" she sighs and flicks the leaf off her dress, "I get this feeling every now and then that maybe this is for the better. I know if I miss you, something isn't wrong... and I know that you'll look down on me for saying this: maybe missing you is what makes me feel right. I'm only human..."

"I'm doing my best Sean. I'm working with the UN. I'm helping people... and it does make me happy. My head is saying that this is for the better. I just want you to know, Sean. I can't hold on forever. Life just keeps moving, and the world gets stranger every day. People tell me, yeah time is on my side, but I don't really give a care."

"The memorials are in place and your name is everywhere, but it still doesn't make a difference" Alex argues, "It doesn't change the world like you would've wanted for me... I look around and all I see is people living blissfully. I remember the promise I made to you... and I know what you're going to say, I'm wrong... all these flowers, and candles... it's what makes them happy, but for how long? Minutes, or seconds or days? Because in the end, all the flowers in the world can not replace the hole in that someone's heart where that person used to be."

"I'm just searching for an answer, Sean" Alex tells him. "Maybe I'm not meant to find out. But for now, I can see why someone may find peace of mind, knowing that something as little as this simple rose, makes visiting you a little less hard."

"So tell me now, Sean. Laugh and admit it... you were right. I do find some little things that make me forget about my day, but all they do is remind me of you. All I want to do is let go, Sean" Alex gently opens the box and takes out the delicate bud, it's petals, just beginning to show a bright red color, "how can I move on when everything reminds me of you?"

"...there's a flag in the distance. It reminds me of you, Sean. I wake up to it each morning and it makes me smile and think of you. It's the little things like that that keeps me alive. So tomorrow, I'm going to wake up and I hope you'll still be there... because if all I have left of you is that flag and these memories, then I don't want to change a thing."

"Until we see each other again, my dear. I'll leave you this rose and hope it makes you think of me too."

* * *

**A/N: There's many ways this story could've gone. But I ended up writing it like this. I hope you liked the ending... If I continue this story, it would probably be a spinoff of some sort. Idk**


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